don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
