I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
