just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
