Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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