It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
