Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
