Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
