Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Randomize
