i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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