My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
