did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
