Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
