we're blogging at a bar
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
