dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
