an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
