you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
