Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
