miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
