She is in my trunk
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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