Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
