There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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