what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
