Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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