I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
