she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
