I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
