Sober January is a disaster.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
