she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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