Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
