hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
