420 ftw
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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