Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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