grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
