Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
