I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
