A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
