I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
