hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
