Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
