I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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