Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
