We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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