I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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