doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
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