while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
