Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
