What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
