I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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