He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
