I got chris browned last night
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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