Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
