you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
