I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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