we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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