I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
