Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
