I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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