if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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